#15
#14
Last evening I decided to sign up for Aupair World. I created my own profile and wrote a bit about myself - and all of a sudden I had four new emails!! All from GERMAN families only! (If you haven't followed my plans before, I've had the image that Scotland would be my Au pair country.) So this was a surprize! A good one, of course!! Right now I've got seven messages from different German families. I have replied to some of them and turned one family down, which didn't fit me. This is so exciting!!! It's all happening so fast I almost don't know what to do. I am currently working on a longer Dear Family-letter. Which I can send to families who want to know more about me, and see more pictures. Gaaah. Gotta check my email now, I wrote to a family which lives nearby a place I know quite well and I really want them to answer cus they seemed like a lovely family all in all.
#13
when birds flee from us
the flood turns into ice,
the sun hides behind thick clouds
and can't break through, to you
nothing to gain, nothing to loose
maybe i've been too strong for too long
now my walls are falling down, down
can't breathe, can't scream
you've got me
like a child need its mother,
like the moon needs the sun
you've got me
#12
*Singing* "Ich liebe Deutsche-land, ich liebe Deutsche-land..." I love German(y)!
(...speaking of nothing) I want to work as a volunteer in either Austria or Germany. India would be rather cool too. Or Ireland. Or Africa... When I've graduated, of course. To be honest I'd rather spend my money on helping other human beings than on a gown and go to that stupid prom.
Another thing I've got on my mind right now is people. I just have to get this out of me, once and for all. Sometimes I just don't get people. And I'm sure people don't get me sometimes either. I get so frustrated and don't know what to do about it. Just want to shake them so they'd wake up and start to see what I see. It's so awkward with some people right now and I don't know what to do about it. Should I just let it go on, or should I do something about it? Gah. Right now I wished that I could start living life as a hermit. Say good bye to the social world, crawl up in a deep, cold cave and then stay there. Maybe come out in a few years when people have forgotten about me, so I could start a brand new life. Like pop up from nowhere and say: Hi there! Here is the brand new Jen, eager to live and learn (please note the smile which goes from ear to ear)!!...
#11
I'm back. *everyone goes crazy of pure joy and excitement* Dah. I know.
Looking at my bookshelf I think I need another one. And I need to read some books. I miss reading books. It's a privilege to be able to open a book and just disappear in its world, letting go of and forgetting about my own reality for a while. Amazing!
Hm. From today I'll start a new life. Doing it for me only. And if I want ice cream one day, I'll eat ice cream. BUT! (I love that everything includes a "but") - if I do eat that ice cream or that snack, I'll have to exercise for at least 1 more hour the day after. And when I have done something good and want a treat, I'll take an apple or walk an extra 30 minutes, or something like that. (Rewards like these are great!) So hey ho, let's go!
I'm pretty sure I've met the love of my life. He has got that little something, that extra, you know........... thing.
If you have ever been in love you know what I'm talking about here. Bazinga!
Every word he says I pick up, carefully, and put it in my heart forever. Lock it up so they can never escape. For those who haven't heard his voice... oh boy you've missed something so sweet and tender.
This whole thing about love has open my eyes and I think I'm a little more open about things, such as how I feel about people. Or something... Yes. It has made me realize that I don't have to be embarrassed to tell people how much I care about them. And that love doesn't have to feel like butterflies and sweet, sparkly fairytales all the time. Real love goes deeper than that. For good and for bad.
It has also made me go a little cheesy, especially when it comes to music. Hah. Shane, particulary Shane, will notice this (perhaps) when he gets my verylatechristmasgift ...
Enough about that already! ...just want to point out one last thing... I love Shane! ;*
P.S. DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO PUT A FREAKIN' YOUTUBE VIDEO HERE?? I've forgotten. Bo-ho.
#10
Will follow my dreams and tell you all about it, in Swedish. My new blog.
#9
Nora and all my new found friends went back home to Germany the other day. Love you guys, I'll miss you so much! We had a great week, it's amazing how you can get close to someone in such a short time.
Now I'm sitting here, alone again. Waiting for something exciting to happen. Am I wasting my time? is the question I've asked myself a hundred times by now. I think I love Shane. At least I feel something for him. Something that feels true, warm and ...beautiful?
Today Therese got back from her boyfriend. Need to see that white ass soon!!! I adore her.
I'm working my ass off too. Hope I'll loose a couple of kilos by the end of this summer.
"Baby let me love you down,
there's so many ways to love yah
Baby I can break you down,
there's so many ways to love yah
You got me like oh my gosh,
I'm so in love, I found you finally
You make me wanna say oh my gosh"
#8
!traeh ym ssessop uoy ,enahS
"We're never gonna quit, we're just a couple animals!!"
#7
Our song.
.enahS, uoy evol I
#6
Altough it seems like my grades won't give up on me, after all.
All love goes to my friends, you know who you are.
My new wear-band, Johnossi.
#5
Just watched "16 and pregnant" and started to think that in that way it's much better to have a long-distance relationship. Though I miss my soulmate so much that it hurts sometimes. Can't really call it 'missing him', rather 'longing for him' since we haven't met. But we've talked for like 3 years or so, on and off I'd say, so I guess we've created some kind of bond between us. Anyhow! Lets leave that and maybe come back to it later.
As I was watching "16 and pregnant" I saw the relationship the teenage mum had with her little brother. They were playing Guitar Hero, and I teared up 'cus I use to have that and do that sort of things with my younger brother. Like yesterday, before his friend came over, he and I were playing soccer together and had a ball like we used to do a couple of years ago. When his friend arrived he just treated me like shit or whatever, like he always does. And I know that teenagers in that age are like that, but it makes me sad. We've lost that connection. And I love my brother to death. Just wish that we could work it out somehow. That he could change his attitude.
Tomorrow I have to get up early again. I have a test. The final exam in TSP, to be exact. Hope it goes well, otherwise I won't get the mark I want, of course! The only thing I'm looking forward 'til this Monday is the German class. I love German. Think I'll get the highest mark in that subject, which will be the only high mark I'll get this year. Haha. I sound so depressed. I want to dig into my deep-thinking-mood/state again. And get rid of the jealousness.
...yeah.
I think that's all for this update,
as a finale I'm going to post a great song from a great band which I adore ♥
Peace out, friends and enemies.
Coldplay - Crests of Waves
#4
Makes me happier.
Makes me sentimental.
Also, I found a new musician, Ane Brun
Fantastic cover.
#3
#2
Yesterday I watched a documentary about the fantastic Melody Gardot. I've listen to her before, but got tired of her voice and the whole "jazz-thing". I don't like jazz. And it takes a lot to make me listen, like and keep on listening to a female voice. But this woman really changed my dull perspective on my own sex's vocals, aswell as jazz. Her story touched me, her mind, words, and style. When I look at her I realize how much my long hair ment to me, now I want it back even more! She's got this romantic aura surrounding her, at the same time it's like a dark cloud is following her everywhere she goes. "An old soul", is what she called herself in the film. I think that of myself too, sometimes.
I miss those times when I could pick the most sensitive and powerful words out of the blue, and put them in a bunch of poems.
When my mind is in a state between depression and happiness, that's where I belong. When you feel nor less, nor more. When it can go both ways.
I look at my violin and wish that I had never quit playing.
This one's for you, and all lost souls out there.
If you're going downhill, this will take you higher - but not too high.
If you're on a piedestal, this will cut it down - but not too low.
#1
Home alone. Mum and dad went to some meeting with the local association. My brother is on a comfirmation camp. So right now it's just me and the cats in the house. I'm Listening to The Cranberries.
"Animal instinct" is stuck in my head.
So here you are:
